Gee, I Didn't Know I Needed That

Did you know the United States has an Olympic Women's Trampoline Team? I didn't either.

Yesterday, I was at MacWorld Expo. I hadn't been in more than 10 years so I wanted to see what's new in applications and software and I thought that would be a good place to do it. It turns out the show has shrunk to less than a quarter of the size it was 10 years ago. Gone are most of the megabooths that used to be at a show where companies would try and outdo each other. Most of the booths now are just 10 feet across.

This raises a problem. If the booths aren't very impressive anymore, then how do companies bring attendees into their booths? There were some creative approches. One company that was marketing earphones wanted to demonstrate that their earphones don't come off during workouts. To demonstrate this, they put a trampoline in their booth and had a member of the U.S. Olympic Women's Trampoline Team do various flips on the trampoline while noting that the headphones she was wearing stayed put. Do I remember the name of the company that makes the earphones? No. Do I remember what a women's trampolining uniform looks like? Yes. "Go USA!"

A few other companies decided models were the way to go. One 10-foot booth had no fewer than four models and another company with a booth of the same size had six girls in and around it. While certainly drawing their fair share of attendees, this created a problem for the companies, however. With four models and two sales people sharing a little 10-foot booth, there was no room left for any customers to actually enter the booth and see whatever these companies were exhibiting. They had created a sort of "Babe Blockade" between themselves and potential customers. Marketers have a rule that goes with trade show exhibits: There is a correlation between the lack of interest in a company's product and the number of models they hire to put in the booth.

"Gee, I Didn't Know I Needed That."

Wondering what to get your sweetie for Valentine's Day? Want to send her a message that every moment out with her is magical? Then MacWorld exhibitor IntoxiCase may have just what you are looking for to set the right tone. They've invented the iPhone case that is also a bottle opener. It's sort of the Swiss Army Knife of cell phones without all the practical tool parts. Says the brochure, "The Intoxicase was evaluated by dozens of bartenders and after hundreds of bottles opened all iPhones remained perfectly safe and reviews were exceptionally enthusiastic." The accompaning app detects when a user cracks open a bottle and offers "exciting characteristics" including "hilarious sound effects." It also keeps count of your drinks and will post "another bottle opened" on the user's social networks. It also displays a screen that shows how many gallons of beer have been consumed by the user. Your sweetie will be so proud!

"But, Didn't You See Anything Cool?"
Yes, thanks for asking. I saw artists mixing paints, creating colors and then create art on their iPads using the NomadBrush. This little brush and the accompanying apps make the iPad's screen behave like a palette with real liquid paint on it. Artists can even use tools like scrapers to add texture to their "paintings." It looks like a regular brush with real hairs and the "liquid" paint on the screen reacts to it just like it's a real brush. Very cool for creative types!

So, even though the show is a quarter of the size it used to be and even though departed Steve Jobs' rally was replaced by some applications developers sitting on Barcaloungers sharing their stories about programming apps to a less than rivited crowd, MacWorld still managed to soar this year...at least in the headphones booth.

The Day the World Stood Still...Well, Not Really

Wikipedia, Craigslist and a few other websites went dark yesterday to protest the proposed Stop Online Piracy Act, which they say would bring censorship to the Internet.

Did you notice? Me neither!



Suzanne Somers Pre ThighMaster

 It turns out I could go an entire day without having to look up a "possibly correct" community created definition for "Three's Company" (According to Wikipedia, "The show, a comedy of errors, chronicles the escapades and hijinks of the trio's constant misunderstandings, social lives, and struggle to keep up with rent."). I was also able to make it through the day without searching for a transvestite that does good landscaping work.

Could it be possible that these websites are not as vital to our day and they believe themselves to be? 

I mean, of course, this blog is essential reading for you. Where else can you learn about pooping toys and Japanese marketing campaigns? But still, maybe it isn't Wikipedia, Craigslist and other sites that should be taking a break from us. Maybe we should be the ones taking a break from them.

Maybe we are just a little too wired into the grid. It's like the guys you see walking around (and they are always guys) that have their cellphone earpieces in just in case they get a phone call. They aren't driving. They are walking through a store or an airport terminal. Is the information in their heads really so valuable that they need to be instantly available on that first ring...that opportunity would be lost if they had to pull the earpiece out of their pocket and place it on their ear?

Perhaps we can live without instant mobile access to puppies that dance online or that video of the jumping skateboarder that missed the rail and ended up eliminating a potential limb from his family tree. Maybe we don't really need to instantly know what JLo said about global warming at the American Idol warm up.

So, the next time the WIFI goes down and you can't get online. Take a breath. Everything's going to be alright. There are things going on in the world that you don't instantly know about and, you know, that's just fine.

Signs of Intelligent Life

I'm encouraged!

There are two data points that lead me to believe that as a civilization we are improving and this has me very optimistic this fine Friday.

According to USA Today, 2011 saw a dramatic drop in the number of people killed by lightening. As a matter of fact, nearly 90 percent of the people struck by lightening last year survived. They attribute this to a higher level of education. I'm not sure what education has to do with being struck by lightening. Does this mean fewer people freeze their tongues to metal street light poles during lightening storms because they are now inside reading the classics? I don't know. But, I find it surprising and encourageing that if I'm struck by lightening that I have a 90 percent chance of living. The next time there is a lightening storm it's time to head for the hottub! I don't actually own a hottub, but my neighbor does...

The other sign of our improving civilization is that ABC News reported this morning that the Kardashians are having trouble booking gigs because people have stopped caring about them. I haven't really understood the Kardashian phenom and I was under the false impression that Kimmy had been in a music video to get her semi-famous. My neighborhood educated me that Kimmy had actually been in a sex video and that made her famous. I, of course, immediately Googled the video and drew the conclusion that the video is amazingly well lit and photographed to be an "Ooooops, I didn't mean for that to get on the internet" kind of thing. Clearly, Kimmy raised the stakes on what someone will do to get her own reality show.

So, could it mean that we are becoming smarter as Americans? We are managing not to get struck by lightening and, when we do, survive 9 out of 10 times. And, we are learning to stop buzzing around the Kardashians like a moth fascinated by a lightbulb. Combine this with the fact that Charlie Sheen has not been quoted in a newspaper for more than a month and I think there might be some real hope that we are becoming a nation that thinks once-in-a-while. Granted, I'm setting the bar pretty low, but at least it's a starting point.

Japanese Stores Telling It Like It Is

Please note: the Motion Bloggers Association of America has deemed the following blog entry to be R-rated due to the use of improper (at least in America) language.

It's not just a sale. It's a Fuckin' Sale!

No. No. It's true. I kid you not. There are some marketing folks in Osaka that are finally telling it like it is. Their department store isn't just having a sale. They are having a "Fuckin' Sale."



Victoria's Secrets, Eat Your Heart Out

 Now I have to say as someone who has spent more than two decades in marketing, I find this really refreshing, even if it happens to be accidental.

Marketers have been trying to link satisfaction, wealth, attractiveness and sexual pleasure with their products since Ogilvy and Mather invented client double billing and the three martini lunch. The Japanese clearly said, "Hey, if we are trying to say this sale will equal a great sexual escapade then let's just go ahead and call it what it is!"

Or, maybe it played out like an episode of The Sopranos:

"Hey, Tony-san, you think maybe like we should have a discount of some kind?"

"Paulie-san, talk to me."

"You know, Tony-san, it's like a sale. Things are even cheaper for family. It's a sale."

"No, Pauli-san. It's not just a sale. It's a fuckin' sale."

"Fuggetaboutit."

Anyhow, I don't know how they arrived at it, but kudos to Japan.

But Seriously, Poor Me

If you haven't heard the wimpering an whining from your location, you may not be aware that I've been sick. When I catch a cold, my "man up" quotient goes to about 2%. I could be sitting in an emergency room next to a guy with a railroad spike embedded in his forehead and I'd be like, "I know that must hurt, but, seriously, I have the sniffles and my sinuses are really stuffy. Do you mind if I go in before you?"

Thankfully, my wife gave me a Kindle Fire for Christmas and thanks to Words with Friends, it is giving me something to do other than blow my nose. (By the way, Alec Baldwin, when you are going to friend me? We all know this is your game!) My 11-year-old son spanked me at Words with Friends and I'm strangely proud of that. While many men would wallow in the knowledge that they aren't as smart as a sixth grader, I choose to read this as a "my son is incredibly smart" moment. I mean that's the case, right? It's not that I couldn't pass sixth grade if I was enrolled in the class taught by my son's wonderful teacher whose name we still cannot pronounce. ("Hello Mrs. McKrackles...uh...McKringle...uh...oh, never mind.)

So, now that I'm back on the mend and feeling better. I think I will embrace life as the Japanese do. I'm not just going to take a bike ride this weekend. I'm going to take a Fuckin' Bike Ride. Would I like some fries with my burger? Hell no. I want some Fuckin' Fries with that! Bring it on, Tony-san!