A Tiburomoronic Crisis: Occupy CVS Tiburon

It's time to put it all in perspective. Whereever you live in the world, your community may be suffering from things like a bad economy, drought, an oppressive government, or even trying to recover from one of history's largest earthquakes and a tsumani a year ago. Still, your troubles pale when compared to the crisis currently being endured by the Marin County town of Tiburon.

It's not just a sign. It's a red sign. And, it's not just a store. It's a CVS store that does things like have sales on items like bathroom tissues. (They don't say "toilet paper" in Tiburon. Too pedestrian.) I kid you not. For weeks the town has been in a hubabaloo about whether or not the new CVS store could have a red sign out front, which would be consistent with its branding. Don't believe me? Here's the article in today's Marin Independent Journal.

"I'm just astonished that corporate America is throwing its weight around like this in a small town," said severely traumatized resident Steve Bendinelli, one of 50 residents who attended a Tiburon Town Council meeting to protest the sign. This is after 260 residents signed a petition against the sign.

So, this is about "The Man" forcing Tiburon's scrappy residents, who are in no way corporate CEOs or bankers themselves, to put up a red sign? Well, if that's the case, you know what you Tiburonites have to do. It's time to Occupy CVS Tiburon, brothers! That's right! Get out of those bay-viewing mansions, grab a tent at REI in neighboring Corte Madera and set up a camp right in the parking lot of the CVS in Tiburon. Don't worry about the kids, your domestic staff can watch them and make sure they make it to private school while you are occupado. This issue is more important than shelter! You need to take a stand, get out there and camp outdoors in a parking lot for at least a month to show "The Man" that he can't put a red sign in your town.

By the way, please let me know when you set up Occupy CVS Tiburon so I can set up a stand on the sidewalk that sells $12 glasses of chardonnay in the evenings and $6 lattes in the morning. You'll Occupy my kids all the way to college.

So, the next time you hit a rough patch in the road, just keep in mind that at least you don't have to deal with the problems that the residents of Tiburon, California face.

Party Like a Pope!

Tonight is the night! It's my daughter's first high school Turnabout. If you are unfamiliar with the term, as I was, it is the rebranded Sadie Hawkins Dance. Apparently, today's youth aren't familiar with that term.

The dance is being held in the Pope John Paul Student Center, so you know it's going to be awesome. Nothing says "party" more than having a pope's name in the venue. Thankfully, the Virgin Mary Dance Arena was already booked by the Shriners.

My daughter is wisely going with friends, rather than asking out a boy to the dance. Dances are already terrifying enough for most boys without being asked out. The night already presents many challenges for high school boys. First of all, it requires bathing and wearing shirts that have buttons. A hair brush may also be involved. This requires a lot more preparation time than most high school boys are used to.

Then there's the actual dance. Initially, there are the girls out dancing with each other while the boys are huddled against the wall attempting to appear like they are enjoying idle chit chat while actually cowering like a herd of wilderbeests in view of tigers. They are all having the same thought, "What if a girl actually walks over here and askes me out. Then what do I do?!"

If they notice a girl walking over, then the left brain and the right brain start arguing. The girl starts walking in slow motion while the boy's brain goes into full-on debate mode.

Left brain (consumed by puberty): "Hey, this could be fun. She smells nice. Maybe they'll play a slow song and I get to touch her shoulders. Could be awesome!"

Right brain (still able to think logically): "Dude! YOU CAN'T DANCE! You are going to look like a penguin being electricuted if you go out there. What if they play Lady Gaga and all the girls start dancing with each other and you are left alone doing the "Flaying Penguin" in the middle of the dance floor? Run, dude, run!"

For me, in high school the right brain typically won the arguement. To say I was mostly terrified of girls in high school would be an understatement. There were a couple dances that I "went to" that I actually couldn't get myself to go inside. I don't know if that made me shy, wimpy, terrified or just some combination of the three. Thankfully, in college, the left brain took over and I actually had a lot of fun at dances. Thanks left brain! More Prince, More Rick James, More Billy Idol! Bring it on!

So, to my daughter and her friends, I say,  "Have a great time. Enjoy the music and the dancing!" To the boys, all I can say is, "It gets better...really."