When Food Freaks Out (And No, This is not a new show on TLC)

I came home from work and there it was on the front cover of our town's weekly paper. It's front page news and sure to alarm home owners all over town. Is it a tornado? Is there a tsunami danger? Are there fires raging in the nearby hills? No, it's worse than that.

WILD TURKEY SMASHES NOVATO HOME'S WINDOW

That's the real live headline on the front page of our town paper this week. According to the Novato Advance, a 15-pound wild turkey crashed through a second-story window and damaged a Novato home. I can just picture the family, who has asked that their name not be released to the press, sitting in the family room watching television when the music from "Jaws" starts with the barely audible "gobble gobble" of a turkey call heard in the background. Then, suddenly, a Ballistic Butterball comes flying through the window.

Now, the fact that this is front page news says a lot about the town I live in, but not quite as much as the second part of the headline. You see, in Marin, we aren't all in agreement in terms of the difference between food and pets. Here's the second part of the headline:

Bird Remains in Critical Condition at Wildcare, a San Rafael Animal Shelter and Hospital

"He was incredibly stressed and scared," said the director for animal care at WildCare. "Right now, he's having a hard time breathing but we're trying to keep his wounds sterile. Right now, he's on supportive care until we can get him stable enough to do some X-rays."

She's not talking about the person who suffered the Turkey Home Invasion as being "stressed and scared." She's talking about the turkey. The turkey is being treated for physical and mental wounds. It's all hands on deck, STAT, so we can save this out of control Butterball so it can live another day. They are going to X-ray the turkey? The article even goes on to say that the owners of the house are visiting the turkey in the animal hospital to make sure it's okay.

I grew up in farm country and I can tell you in farm country when a wild turkey crashes into your home or gets caught in the overly elaborate chrome guard on the front of the ranch truck, it does not get rushed into therapy. It's wounds are not cleaned. It's dinner. Wild turkey is served with Wild Turkey and it's dinner.You don't visit the turkey to check on its mental health. You visit it every hour or so to baste it! Thank goodness a Turducken didn't come through the window or they'd be trying to save three birds.

So, to the volunteers at WildCare and the homeowners caring for this turkey, I give you credit for being better people than me. Because in my world, sometimes food is just food.