Slumming with the Queen

There she was, Queen Elizabeth the Second, in all her glory, sailing down the Thames on the "Royal Barge." What, what? Did the words "royal" and "barge" just appear in the same sentence? That can't be right.

They named the barge? Really?

What is going on over there across the pond? I'm a little concerned. Here in America we have people like Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton, who have ascended to their pop celebrity thrones by being the daughters of the guy who got O.J. off and the guy whose hotels used to be nice, but are kind of run down now, and they fly around in private jets and party on yachts. Yet, in England, the Queen celebrates her 60 years on the throne of actual royalty not by sailing down the Thames on the "royal yacht " or the QE2, a cruise ship named after her, but instead is sent down the river on a barge ala Huck Finn style? This has my crumpets in a knicker!

Jerry Brown Unveils the Queen's New Budget

What other parts of the British royalty have been downgraded? Does the Queen leave the royal barge to be taken in the Royal PT Cruiser to the Royal Bowling Alley? Is she then served Royal Buffalo Wings? I'd like to know just how deep these budget cuts have gone. Is Jerry Brown doing the budget for the royal family these days?

Now, I may not be an authority on the British monarchy, but I have watched Downton Abbey. I can tell you that none of the characters on that show, including the gay cranky butler, would be found dead on a barge. They would take their ellaborate costumes and their overly dramatic gazes into the camera and find a boat with an actual motor.

And where's the British Navy in all of this Queen on the Barge Business?! You guys sunk the Bismarck and now you can't provide a boat with a motor for the Queen? I mean the "HMS" in the name of your ships stands for "(In) Her Magesty's Service" and you send The Queen down the Thames on the HMS Git'Er Done?

Faster then the Royal Barge! By the way, where's the driver?

So, the next time on I'm down south on a Duffy electric boat going 5 knots through Newport Bay, I will think to myself, "I could totally beat the Queen's barge right now!"