Don't Look Into the Light, Fluffers

I've been in a lot of airports so far in life, though these days I tend to be in the same airports over and over. I thought I had pretty much seen everything there is to see in terms of the human circus. There's the wardrobe malfunction in the security line, there's the kid that had just too much of a Cinnabon good thing before running to the boarding line, and, of course, there are the passengers that make the less than direct trip from the bar to the boarding line as the flight attendant eyes them wondering if she's really up to babysitting them for the next two hours.

A few minutes ago, I saw something I hadn't seen before and I have to say it was more than a little disturbing. I was in the security line and in the line next to me the belt had stopped and the TSA agents were gathered looking at the screen. "What is it?" "I don't know." "Is it food?" "I don't think so." "Did it move?"

Finally, the agents asked the elderly woman waiting for the bag just what was in that bag. She replied without concern, very matter-of-factly as if the agents were asking a dumb question. "My cat." At this point, all of the lines stopped and everyone turned to look at this woman and the screen the agents were looking at. I glanced down to see a sign on the machine I was next to that warned about putting any human body parts into the machine while it was operating.

They immediately backed up the belt, but that bag had been in there for a few minutes while they tried to figure out what they were looking at. They opened the top of the pink bag and sure enough there was a cat...a live cat...a freaked out live cat!

Now, I don't know a lot about x-rays. I know at the dentist they used to put a lead vest on me while they x-rayed my teeth. I imagine the machines they use at the airport to look inside of computers, bags, etc. are pretty powerful. So, all I can tell you is when I last saw that cat a few minutes ago, it looked pretty normal.

The most bizarre part of the experience is that while all of us passengers looked at each other, covered mouths, etc. as if we had just witnessed a cat murder, the woman who owned the cat didn't look the least bit concerned.

So, the next time you are traveling and you see a brand new sign in the TSA line that says "Please do not put pets through the x-ray machine" and you think to yourself, "Who on Earth would do something like that?" All I can tell you is the answer might surprise you.

Let's hope Fluffers had a few cat lives left over before coming to the airport today.