Costco Book Tour

Have you noticed the ads in the Marin IJ advertising the authors who will be on hand to sign his or her book at Costco over the weekend? They format them like a theater performance, so it looks like we are ever so lucky to have the author come to such a prestigious location. They even say, "Members only." Only the 67% of Marin that are Costco members get to meet the author. That way they keep the riff raff out.

What must that be like for the author?

The author has toiled for years to produce a work of art, a view into his or her deepest thoughts. All along, the author is watching other authors appear on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, who either actually reads books written by his guests or has a writer on loan from Cliff's Notes to give him a great briefing about the book.

Jon: "What inspired you to use Yasser Arafat as a metaphor for the struggle of school children fighting oppression throughout the Middle East?"

Author: "It came to me when I was demonstrating against Global Warming outside of a styrofoam cup manufacturing plant in Darfur that Arafat's struggle to be understood as a leader typecast him in the same way that children can be."

So, our author finally finishes her book and and is ready to chat it up with Jon and the publisher calls with news of the first big book tour. "Someone wants you to tour the country to promote your book!" Virgin Megastore? No. Borders? Out of Business. Barnes & Noble? Nope. It's Costco, and that tour will take you from Fresno to Novato. This has to be a blow to the author. I mean the Costco in Kona is at least a bright spot during the tour, but it's still Costco that you are touring to promote your book.

Imagine what the experience is like for the author inside of each Costco.

Shopper: "Is this where they are handing out samples of chicken apple sausage?"

Author: "No, I wrote this book as a deep expression of my soul and I'm here to talk about it and sign it."

Shopper: "Oh. Do you know where they are handing out samples of chicken apple sausage? This is my lunch."

Author: "Go past the guy demonstrating the juicer and turn right when you see the display of Ensure."

And, what does the author say to the other authors when they get together for pipe-smoke-filled, brandy-sipping social engagements? The other authors are popping off about traveling to New York, Venice and Paris to promote their books and your publisher has you booked to spend the weekend at the Vacaville Costco. How do you spin that to make it sound like you've finally made it as a writer?

So, dear Costco Book Tour Author, keep in mind that things could be worse. It could be Walmart calling.