Halloween: Dads Gone Wild

What does it say when a trick-or-treating dad is way more dressed up than his kid?

I guess there's really two ways one could look at this. In the "glass half full" world view, you could say that these dads are the most fun fathers on the planet and everyday in their homes is like being in a Disney Lindsay Lohan movie before she grew up and became a whole lot less fun. I'm talking about Parent Trap/Herbie the Love Bug Lindsay, not judge-mandated rehab Lindsay. You could make the point that if a dad dresses up that big time for Halloween, then he's probably a blast at home.

Or, you could look at it from the view of a middle schooler dealing with middle school peer issues. "Hey Ryan, I saw you out trick-or-treating with your Pirate Father last night. Arrrrrrrgh, matie!" "Hey Sinclaire, was your mother trying to dress like Lady Gaga's Grandma last night or what?"

Last night we had not one, but two pirate dads come by...and no, they were not together. These guys fully-committed. I'm talking frilly shirts with ruffly sleaves and hats with feathers. I couldn't quite tell if their kids were thrilled to be with such fun-loving parents or terrified that they might run into someone from school who would wait until lunch the next day to ask them in front of their friends, "How's Capt. Sparrow doing?"

My favorite costumes last night were on two twins that came to the door in jeans and t-shirts. Since they seemed to be lacking costumes, my wife asked them what they were. They pointed at each other said simply, "I'm him." Classic!

As a parent of a teen and a nearly teen, I learned something new about Halloween last night. I'm not invited. It wasn't even dark and both kids were out of the house and out with their friends trick-or-treating in other neighborhoods. Gone are the days where I'd walk along with other dads and moms chatting while the kids ran from door to door. Gone are the days of being invited up to a neighbor's porch to accept the occassional glass of wine. Gone is the visit to the house on the street below us that had a garage haunted house and a "cauldron" of Bloody Marys for visiting parents. At their tweeny, teeny age, my kids still want to be out amongst them on Halloween, but God forbid a parent be in tow. Parents should be no closer than a text message away.

Still, my kids came home telling tales that reminded me of my childhood. There's the "Healthy House" that attempts to debunk the tradition of handing out cavity inducing treats by handing out fruit or carrot sticks. Coincidentally, that's also the house where the owners find a pile of fruit and carrot sticks in their bushes by the front stoop about a week later. Then, there's the house that hands out some sort of toy instead of candy. This year it turned out to be a deck of cards, so kids are now able to play solitaire with quivering fingers as they ride the sugar rush from eating the candy that fills the rest of their bags. And lastly, there's the most special house of all. It's the one that kids, even before texting, find ways to notify each other about right in the middle of trick-or-treating. It's the house that gives away the full-sized candy...not the mini candy bars or the packs with three Hot Tamales. They give out the real deal and kids going through their loot later that evening hold up the bar and talk in hushed reverence about the house that gave away the full-sized Hershey.

So, to my kids, I say "You're Welcome." Daddy was not a pirate this year and you can go to school today without fear. I can't make any promises about next year, though.