Mile High Club for One?

Having been on four flights in the span of three days last week, I was particularly concerned to read today's announcement by European discount carrier Ryanair.

Ryanair's CEO Michael O'Leary wants to offer in-flight adult movies. No really, I'm not making this up. You can read about it on the official MSN Money site here.

In an effort to alleviate any concerns about this new approach to flying, O'Leary manages to make an awkward situation sound even worse. "I'm not talking about having it on screens on the back of seats for everyone to see," said O'Leary. "It would be on handheld devices."

Handheld devices?!?!?! I think that's exactly the kind of thing we want to avoid while watching naughty movies at 38,000 feet. No handholding devices! Stop that!

Flying is already intimate enough. There's already that guy who is a little too big for the airline seat that decides to tuck away the armrest between his seat and yours so you can be in full contact the entire flight. And, there's that guy who decided that bringing on board an order of fajitas to eat in flight next to you was a really great idea. Do I want these guys also having "handheld devices" connected to in-flight porn? I don't think so...especially since Ryanair is also installing pay toilets on its planes. What if my seatmate is too cheap to use the pay restroom when he "needs a moment" after (or during) watching the in-flight entertainment? No. No. No. No.

This is where I draw a line. I already take off my shoes, belt and jacket and have my hands swabbed after standing in line just to get to the plane that's then been delayed. When I get on the plane, I just want to read my book and not have to worry about just how much the guy next to me is enjoying his flight.

So, to all you guys getting ready to book your tickets on Ryanair, I have just one bit of information for you. Your "Mile High Club" should have more than one member.